If I Stay
by anne-bellee
Summary: AU: After the sudden death of Primrose Everdeen, Katniss has to learn to overcome many new obstacles. Her split with Gale Hawthorne has left her damaged and worn. It seemed like it was all happening soo fast, one thing after another. But, when an old friend shows up after many years, tensions rise as Katniss tries to decide how to best handle these situations.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey guys, Emily here,_

_Me and my friend Eric have been working on this story for a while now, but I'm just now finishing up revising it, and thought I would go ahead and upload it and get some feedback to see how everyone likes it._

_This is testing the waters for both of us, so to speak, and I'm kind of new at writing AU, so this is just the first chapter to see how it goes._

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><p>The sun is hidden behind a thick line of clouds, making the world surrounding me grey. It's mid September, the leaves are just beginning to fall from the near barren trees. the weather is starting to become chilly, but I choose to ignore my longing to be warm; I can't go back in there.<p>

I hug myself tightly, still in denial that I just had to attend my seventeen year old sisters funeral. I'm plagued with so much guilt, filled to the brim with remorse.

She was too young.

I can feel myself beginning to shake, both the cold and my emotions taking an impact on me. I bury my face in my hands, letting the tears fall free from my eyes.

"Katniss?" I hear someone opening the door behind me, walking up to stand in front of me. Constrain to focus on who it is. Peeta.

My eyes widen in disillusion; It's been so long. So long since I've heard from him.

I exhale heavily, rubbing the palms of my hands against my cheeks, ridding my face of any sign of crying.

"Peeta?" I ask, barely recognizing the tall, blonde man standing in front of me.

"Hey, Katniss." He looks me over, taking all of me in.

"What are you doing here?" I hadn't noticed he was here.

"I heard about what happened, and, I wanted to make sure you were okay." He says, looking at the ground before looking back up at me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here." I look at him, trying my hardest not to let him see me so distraught.

"My dad told me about what happened." He looks down, his gaze transfixed on the cracks in the concrete.

"I'm sorry."

A flash of pain shoots through me as I remember the last time those words left his lips.

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><p><span><em>Senior year- 6 years ago<em>

The quiet pitter patter of rain hits against the windows, the sky a dull grey. It's mid May, with endless showers of rain that have seemed to stretch on for days.

"We need to talk." I turn around when I hear Peeta's voice resonate from behind me. He stands behind the counter in my kitchen, leaning against it, running his hands through his unruly hair.

I turn around to face him, holding my arms across my abdomen.

"Okay," I shift my weight to my right foot uncomfortably, "Talk."

He lets out a frustrated sigh, letting his head fall, looking at the counter top. When he finally looks up again, his eyes are nearly bloodshot, his face contorted in a way I can't place.

"I got accepted into Columbia."

My eyes widen in disbelief.

"What?" I question, making sure I heard right.

"Katniss, I got excepted." He struggles with the words, but his voice is filled with enthusiasm.

"Peeta.." I can feel my anxiety beginning to rise.

"This is what I've been waiting for, Katniss." His voice is filled with nervousness.

"Peeta. Columbia is on the other side of the country." I say slowly, keeping my head down.

"That's why I needed to talk to you." He hesitates, but continues.

"I know.. I know that it's far away, really far away. But that's why I need you to listen to me when I say this. I need you to understand."

I stand there in disbelief.

"I don't think we can continue this. At least not while I'm away." He say, flatly, giving me time to process all of this. He leans on his elbows, his head in his hands.

I just stare at him.

"But-"

"But nothing, Katniss. I've thought long and hard about this. Don't make this harder on me than it already is."

I think about how I didn't see this coming. The distance he's been keeping from me, the lack of communication. I would have had to be blind not to notice.

"I don't want to do this, you know I don't. But it's something that I have to do." He lifts his head, waiting for me to respond.

"I thought we were staying here. We agreed-"

"I know what I said. But it's not what I want. I thought about it. And this what I want. It's what I need to do."

My eyes fill with tears, finally spilling over my cheeks. My heart is racing, and I feel like I can no longer breathe. I inhale a deep, shaky breath, and finally look back up at him.

"So what you said before, it was just lies."

"Katniss."

"No." I wipe my face with the heels of my hands.

"Katniss please, I just want you to understand. I can't leave like this."

I open and close my hands, each time digging my nails deeper and deeper into my palms; a nervous habit.

"I can't right now, Peeta. I just can't." I can't breathe. I feel as if I'm trapped underwater, struggling for each breath.

He walks over to me, wrapping his arms around me, but I roughly push him away.

"I said I can't." My anxiety rises as he gives me a look of disappointment.

"Just go." I finally spit out, letting the anger inside of me boil. I feel completely alone.

"Katniss-"

"I said go!" I half scream, half cry, choking on my tears while trying to contain the hideous hiccups that happen when I overwhelm myself.

He walks over to the door, and my eyes follow him as he reaches for the handle, opening the door, then stopping. He turns around as if to catch one final glance. His eyes are red as his brows furrow together.

"I'm sorry." He says, before finally walking out.

And then he's gone.

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><p>"Six years." I look up at him through watery eyes. But he doesn't make eye contact. All too soon I'm filled with a hidden anger that's been tucked away for so long.<p>

"Six years, and nothing. Why now?" I feel hurt, abandoned.

"I-" but he doesn't finish. Instead, he looks up at me, eyes pleading.

"What do you want me to say?" He takes a step closer, but keeps his distance.

"Nothing." I don't want to see him right now. Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.

"You pushed me away, Katniss." He raises him hands, getting defensive.

"I pushed you away, but you were already gone." He was. I wasn't going to be able to stop him from going, and he knows that.

We stand there for what seems like forever, staring into each other's eyes. I don't want to forgive him. I have no desire to forgive him.

"I thought you would be happy." He finally says, walking over to tuck a piece of hair behind me ear. I cringe away at the contact of his skin against mine.

"Happy?" I push his hand away, stepping back so I can put distance between us.

"No." I whisper, crossing my arms around my stomach defensively. "I can't even look at you."

"Katniss-"

"No! Do you not understand what I've just gone through? Has it ever crossed your mind what I've had to go through?" I open and close my hands again, trying to focus on my breathing.

"I have no one now." I say, looking down at the ground. I can feel my body start to shake.

"That's not true." He says. "You have me."

"No. I don't. I lost you a long time ago." I did.

I'm shaking still, I dont know how to feel. I feel overwhelmed, angry.

"You can't just.. show up and expect everything to be fine, Peeta. Because it's not."

"You think you're the only one that has had problems?" He yells, his voice filled with anger. "You have no idea." His voice is lower, but still full of anger.

Confusion fills me, and soon, guilt.

"You have no idea what I've had to deal with." His voice is filled with venom, and I know he's hurting.

"I had to leave. Do you understand that?" He's angry, but it's almost as if he's pleading.

"Why?" I question.

He turns away from me, walking away before turning back around and walking to stand a few feet away. His face is red.

"I just had to, alright?" He half screams, rubbing his right hand along the side of his face and down his neck. He lets out a frustrated, audible sigh.

"O-ok. I just-" and he kisses me.

My eyes fly open as his lips seal with mine. His mouth is warm against mine, and for a second, I let it happen. But there's a longing feeling in my chest, building inside of me. And I hate him for it.

I lift my hand up to push him away, but he grabs my wrist, stopping me. He grabs my forearm and pulls me closer before letting go, stepping away.

"What the hell was that?" I yell, wanting to slap him. But I restrain myself.

"I had to do that." He's looking me straight in the eyes, not breaking contact.

"The hell you did!" I'm screaming now, probably louder than I should.

I spread my hands throughout my hair, pulling it hard as I walk around in a circle before stopping where I was before. I'm furious. I'm furious at myself because I enjoyed it.

"I'm going inside."

As much as I hate facing everyone inside, I can't stand another second out here.

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><p>I make my way past the visitors that have gathered in the hallway, and into the bathroom, closing the door firmly behind me. I throw open the nearest stall door and sit down on the floor, my head hitting the door, my knees pulled up to my chest.<p>

And for the first time in a long time, I let myself go.

I hold my head in my hands, resting on my knees. I'm screaming, tears running freely down my face. I'm shaking so hard I feel as if might shatter into a million pieces.

Everything is falling apart.

I don't know how long I've been in here. And I don't care.

Time passes, and I hear the door to the bathroom creak open, silent foot steps stop in front of the stall I'm in.

"Katniss?"

I don't answer, allowing myself to sink further into the door. Wishing so badly I could disappear.

"Katniss, I know you're in there."

I let out a breathy sigh, standing slowly and pushing the door open just a crack. I look into the eyes of who called for me. Annie.

I push the door the rest of the way open, flinging my arms around the red headed girls shoulders.

"Annie," I breathe, letting go, standing far enough away to get a good look. I wipe my face with the heels of my hands.

"What are you doing here?"

"Checking on you."

I look at myself in the mirror. My face is red and swollen, and my hair has fallen out of its braid.

"Gale said you ran right past everyone. Said you've been in here for more than an hour."

"What?"

"Is something wrong?" I wipe my face with both of my hands before fixing my braid.

"No, Annie. I'm fine." I lie.

"You don't look fine. What happened?"

I let out a heavy sigh before turning around to face her. "I really don't want to talk about it right now."

"Katniss, you-"

"No! I said I don't want to talk about it, and I'm not going to talk about it." I run my hands roughly through my hair and straighten out my dress before leaving the bathroom.

I walk down the dimly lit hallway, trying not to make eye contact with anyone so as to slip out unnoticed. My mind is foggy and my head is spinning, I just need to get out. I hear voices, but they're jumbled up inside my head.

"Katnip, I saw you-"

"Not now Gale, please. Just not now." I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown by the time I finally make it back outside.

When I decide that I am going to try to go home, I make my way to the parking lot. By the time I reach my car, I've completely lost it. My heart is racing and I can't think straight.

I run my fingers through my hair as I rest my forehead against the steering wheel. The haze in my head is building, so I breathe in deeply and try to completely clear my thoughts.

_"What are you doing Katniss?"_ I scold myself. I have completely lost it. I squeeze my eyes shut and rest my head against the back of my seat, trying to sort through my thoughts of what happened earlier.

I can't even decipher what's happening. So much happened today, I can't manage to get a clear thought.

_I haven't seen Peeta is so many years. Six years. And he shows up expecting me to forgive him. I can't do that, can I? No, I can't. He's been gone for so long, so long without any kind of communication. And I just can't bring myself to let him back into my life so suddenly. I can't. I Won't._

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><p><em>Reviews would so be greatly appreciated you guys. I really hope you like this story, it's a WIP and it's pretty new, so if you have any suggestions or anything, please let me know.<em>

_Thanks so much for reading!_


	2. Chapter 2

**_Hey guys, chapter 2 is up! I really hope that you guys enjoy this. It took me a while, and it's still a little rough, but I tried my best to make it as good as possible._**

**_Also I would like to point out that yes, this is eventually going to be an Everlark fic. I just need time to work out a few things before anything serious happens with them. Just bear with me through these rough parts._**

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><p>I wake up to the sun streaming through my window. My head bangs painfully, the light making me nauseous.<p>

I'm still fully clothed from the day before, my black dress digging painful lines into my skin. "Shit." I say. The room starts to spin as soon as I sit up. I drank myself to sleep.

Visions of what happen the day before hits me like a pile of bricks. Everything rushes to me all at once.

The funeral. Peeta. Drinking. Blacking out.

Everything is a blur, some of the white hot alcohol still burning in my throat. I can taste bile rising up my throat, and nausea waves over me as I run to the bathroom before crashing to my knees and throwing up so hard that my chest heaves from the force.

I weakly turn the shower on before ripping my dress off and stepping in. The water is on the hottest temperature, scalding my skin, but I don't change it.

I let the water pour down my face, wanting to wash away the memories. I just want to forget everything.

I don't know how long I had been standing there letting the water fall over me, but when I open my eyes a wave of dizziness overwhelms me. I quickly shut off the shower and grab towel before making my way back to my bedroom.

I sit down on my bed, staring blankly at the wall in front of me.

My phone lights up beside me, "2 new voicemails. 11 new text messages."

I pick it up and dial voicemail, waiting for the first one to start.

11:04 pm.

**_"Katniss, it's Gale. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You left so fast last night I got worried. I'm sorry I've been so shitty lately, I'm trying to make things better-" _**

The voicemail cuts off there. I take a deep breath before clicking the next one.

12:57 am.

**"Hey, it's me. Again. You aren't responding to anyone, and I'm really worried about you. I'm coming over. "**

I click out of voicemail and open up my inbox. I have 4 texts from Gale.

**- 7: 21 "Are you okay? Annie said you left. Do I need to come over?"**

**- 8:00 "Annie and Finnick called me and said that they stopped by your apartment - and you didn't answer the door. I'm really worried about you. Please pick up."**

**- 11: 30 "Okay I'm really starting to worry. Answer your phone or I'm coming over."**

**- 12:59 "I'm coming over right now."**

'Shit.' I think to myself. I get up and walk around the room, checking for any signs that he was here. And that's when I see the note on my nightstand. I pick it up and open it.

_"I know it was probably really bad of me to still have the spare key to your apartment, but I had to make sure that you were okay. I didn't want a repeat of the accident. You have no idea how worried I have been about you. When I got here, you were lying on the kitchen floor, and my heart stopped. It wasn't until I made sure that you were breathing that I breathed myself. I carried you to bed. I know how you feel about me coming into your apartment without you knowing, but I felt this was an exception. I'm sorry again."_

I take a deep breath before neatly folding the note and placing it back on the table. I don't even have time to gather my thoughts before I hear a rapid knocking at my door.

The knocking doesn't stop until I have put clothes on and have walked over to the door. I gently open it, barely peeking to see who it is. "Gale" I say.

I barely have time to open the door all the way before he pushes through and pulls me to him. He holds me so close that I can barely breathe. But the embrace is comforting, and I wait for him to break it off.

"Do you have any idea what has been going on inside of my mind all night?" He backs away slightly, but doesn't let me go. "I thought I almost lost you again."

Again.

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><p><span>7 months ago.<span>

**(Gale POV)**

"Katniss? I'm back. I got your food for you, I figured we could just relax tonight and watch a movie or something, so I just picked something up for us."

I put the paper bags on the counter and start laying the food out.

"Katniss? I got your favorite!" I yell, hoping she could hear me.

As I continue to lay the food out on the counter, I still hear nothing. It's completely quiet. "Katniss?" I yell out again.

Nothing.

I walk throughout the house, and don't see any sign of her. I start to yell her name again when I walk into the bedroom.

There's a note lying on the freshly made bed.

_"Gale, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that it has to be like this. That it has to end this way. But it does. I can't sit here anymore and pretend like everything is normal and that I'm okay, because I'm not. Dr. Aurelius and everyone else always tell me that it's going to get better, but it never does. I can't take the pain anymore. I just can't handle it. I love you so much, please remember that. I'm sorry."_

I can feel my whole body begin to shake. I throw the note down and run out of the room. I check the living room, the kitchen. Everywhere.

I run back into our bedroom and reach for the bathroom door handle. But it's locked. I back away a few inches before kicking the door as hard as I can. It swings open, and there she is. Lying on the floor. Motionless.

"Katniss!"

I kneel down on the floor beside her and lift her head off the ground. I examine the back of her head, noticing blood soaking through her hair. "Shit shit shit." I pull my phone out of my back pocket and call 911.

"Hello, 911 operator, what's your emergency?"

"Yes yes, I need an ambulance immediately."

"Sir, can you tell me what happened?"

"I don't know! I think my fiancé may have tried to commit suicide. I don't know how long she's been like this, I just got home. All the medicine bottles are empty."

"Okay, please stay calm, and ambulance is on its way." The phone disconnects. Silence.

I hold her in my arms, rocking back and forth. "Come on Katniss. Come on." I can feel tears beginning to spill down my face. "Please don't do this to me. Please don't do this."

I don't know how long I stay like that, but it isn't until I hear sirens and a banging at the door that I realize what's happening.

I watch as the medics load her onto a stretcher and into an ambulance. Taking her completely away from me. In that moment I feel completely helpless. Like a piece of me has just died.

Once I get to the hospital, I don't leave for 3 days. It took 3 days for the doctors to tell me any information about Katniss or her condition.

"Mr. Hawthorne, it's lucky you found her when you did. She had only minutes. But thanks to you, she is going to be okay. We've completely pumped her stomach, and we have her on close watch. She's on bed rest as of today, for as long as it seems fit. You can go see her now if you want."

I haven't actually seen her since the ambulance took her away. I'm afraid to see her, so broken and hopeless.

I quietly push the door to her room open, careful not to wake her if she is asleep. I round the corner, and see her lying on the bed, asleep. A small smile creeps onto my lips and I sigh a sigh of relief. She's going to be okay.

I sit down next to her bed and take her hand into mine. I place a soft kiss on the top of her hand, and rub small circles with my thumb.

"I thought I lost you." I say, trying not to let any tears escape. "I really thought that that was it. That you were gone." I rest me forehead on the mattress. "Damnit Katniss."

I feel her hand twitch in mine, and I look up to see her eyes beginning to open. My hand flies to her face immediately, cupping her cheek, stroking it with my thumb.

"Katniss." I whisper.

"Gale?" She chokes out, trying to squeeze my hand. "I'm so-"

"Please don't say you're sorry. Please. Not right now. I just want to be with you."

I say, watching her attempt to smile. I brush a strand of hair out of her face, soaking up her presence.

"I was afraid." I start, I want her to know that I care. "I was so afraid. And I still am, really. I thought you were gone. I really thought that you were dead. And I couldn't live with myself." I can see her trying to process all of this, it may be too much for just waking up.

"Gale…" She whispers, reaching out and stroking my face. She lets her hand linger there for a while before it falls to her side. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm…" Tears begin to fall from her face, and I quickly wipe them away.

"I just need you to promise me that you will never do that again."

"I can't.." She says weakly. "I can't."

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><p><span> Present time<span>

"I thought I almost lost you again." He says, holding me by my shoulders.

"Gale…" I say, making it a point for him to let me go. As much as I am tempted to just fall into him, I need my distance.

"I'm fi-"

'Don't you dare say that you are fine. I know that you are not fine. You know how I know that?" He spits, running his hands down my arms, shaking me slightly. I shudder at the contact.

"How?"

"Because you almost drank yourself to death." I look at him, his eyes dark. I have to look away from his gaze, because I know he's right.

"I found you on the fucking floor." He says, moving over to sit on the couch. He pats a spot next to him, but I choose the chair in front of him.

"I'm sorry, it was stupid of me. And I-"

"It wasn't just stupid, Katniss! Don't you get it?" He moves his hands up and down, emphasizing how serious he is. "It was wreckless and dangerous and very imperative to your health." He runs his hands through his hair angrily, looking back up at me.

"I can't keep doing this." I look up at him, confused.

"You can't keep doing what?" I ask.

"I can't keep living every day of my life worrying about whether or not I am going to get a call from someone telling me that you've died. Do you not understand what you're putting yourself through? What you're doing to me?" He looks down at his lap, his face red.

"You can't keep drinking away your problems, or.. or whatever else you do. You just can't. And I can't let you." He stops to take a breath, and I inhale to say something, but I stop myself, getting up to move and sit next to him. I can feel the heat radiating form his body, and understand just how angry he is.

I move his head to look at me, moving some hair out of his face in the process.

"Look at me. Listen to me." I start, looking him in the eyes. Gale reaches down and grabs my hand, gently squeezing it.

"I'm sorry that I haven't been talking to you. But you understand why I need my space. I've been going through a lot, and I just need to be alone."

"I understand, but I can't leave you alone for long. I'm sorry, I just can't trust you to be alone." I look down at our hands intertwined, and gently let go.

"Gale, sometimes you have to learn to let go." He looks at me, and then leans forward, kissing me.

And for a moment, I let it happen. It's so warm, and so comforting, I want nothing else than to just stay like this forever. But all too soon, I decide to pull away.

I put my hand on his chest, as to keep him from moving any closer. "Gale. I'm sorry. I can't." I close my eyes, telling myself that I can do it.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have." He says, leaning his head down to rest against mine. I take a deep breath, inhaling his scent. I miss him so much, yet in a way, I don't. I loved him, I did. But we've drifted apart.

"Will you stay here? Just for a little while...? I don't think I want to be alone today." I say. I can feel my anxiety welling up inside of me as I think about what I just said.

"Yeah, of course." He says, pulling me against him. I lay my head against his shoulder, allowing myself at least this. I need him. I just need him right now. I can't deny it. But there's a feeling in my chest that says this isn't right. But I push that aside, ignoring it. Because right now, I need him.

"I miss you." I hear him say, but it's barely audible. I pretend I don't hear him. Because I miss him too.

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading! I really worked hard on this chapter, and I really hope that this didn't dissapoint.<strong>_


	3. Chapter 3

_"You know, if you didn't want to come with me, you didn't have to." Prim says, looking over at me. "I could have driven back home all by myself." It's around 11pm, and she turns onto the bypass._

_"No, I told you that once you went to college, I would help you move. So here I am." I make a dramatic hand gesture, and laugh when she starts to laugh at me. "What kind of sister would I be if I didn't." I said, patting her shoulder._

_"A good one." She laughs, and I cross my hands over my chest defensively. "Hey! That's not very nice of you to say." I joke. _

_"I'm kidding. You know that you're my favorite sister." Prim bursts out laughing before I realize what she said. "I'm your __**only**__ sister!" I scream, laughing as she takes another turn off of the exit._

_"Hey, slow down." I say, looking at her. "Don't worry, I drive this all the time. The speed limit says 65, but you can always go 10 over."_

_"Well it's dark, Prim. So slow down." The turns on this road are making me sick. "Why did you turn onto a back road? We could have stayed on the bypass for at least another few miles." I say, pointing to the GPS, which has us off the map._

_"I found a shortcut the last time I came home. This road takes at least 20 minutes off of our trip." She says, taking another turn._

_It's another hour before I feel sleepiness try to drag me down. I yawn really big, looking over to make sure Prim is still awake. "Hey, you doing okay? I can drive if you want." I say, noticing her eyelids beginning to droop._

_"No, I got it. This wouldn't be the first time I had to drive home after midnight." She says, making a turn for the exit ramp. _

_"God, you can't see anything." There are trees surrounding both sides of the ramp, making it hard to see anything. "Slow down Prim, the road is still wet from earlier." I say, pointing to the road in front of us._

_She doesn't though, and we come up on the ramp too fast and slide the car around a full circle, landing in the middle of the highway. _

_"Are you okay? I told you to slow down!" I yell, trying not to scream too loud. "Yeah, my seat belt is just a little tight." She says, unbuckling it so she can loosen it. _

_"You should listen to me when I tell you to slow down. Especially when the roads are wet. " I say, getting angrier. I'm too busy yelling at her to notice the headlights._

_"Prim, watch ou-!"_

* * *

><p>"Ahhh!"<p>

"Katniss." I hear Gale say my name, and I turn around. I had completely forgotten that he was still here.

"Are you okay?" He says, pulling my in closer to him. My whole body is shaking. I hide my head in the crook of his neck and I inhale a shaky breath, trying not to get any tears on his shirt.

"No.." I whisper, my voice is hoarse. He rubs my shoulder softly, hugging me closer. "It happened again."

"What? It's been months since that happened." He says. I lift my head up and look at him through watery eyes. "I know." I say, my voice shaking.

"Well, you're okay now. I'm here." He says softly, pulling me in for another hug. I take a deep breath and stand up from the couch.

"Thank you, Gale. Really." He stands up after that, stepping closer to me. "Anything for you, Katniss."

He leans in to kiss me, but I turn my head away. "I'm sorry.. I can't" I whisper, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"Katniss."

"I'm sorry Gale. I told you, I just need some time." I wish I could tell him that I still love him, and that everything is going to be fine. But I can't make that promise to him. And I can't make that promise to myself. I can't lie to myself.

"Maybe you should go." I say, still keeping my eyes on the floor.

"Katniss."

"Please, Gale. Just go." I turn my head to the side and cross my arms against my chest. I feel so guilty for pushing him away.

"Before I leave, I should give you this." He pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to me. "It's from Peeta."

"Peeta?" His name sounds foreign coming from my lips. "Wha-.. How..?"

"I saw him walking outside the service after I ran outside to catch you. But you were already gone." I look at him, and I can feel some kind of anger settle in the pit of my stomach.

"I don't want it." He looks at me, confused.

"What?"

"I said I don't want it." I look at the ground again, not meeting his gaze. I can't deal with this right now.

"I'm leaving it here anyways. I told him I would give it to you."

He walks past me and to the door, turning back one last time to look at me. "I'm sorry." And the door shuts.

I sit back down on the couch and put my head between my hands. "I can't do this." I say to myself. "I can't do this." I feel so desperate, so empty. I feel so angry, but I don't know why.

I look at the note sitting in front of me and grab it, but I don't read it, I just look at it. Folded, hidden from my view. I can't bring myself to read it. I just can't.

So many emotions are rushing to me all at once, I can't clear my mind or think about anything.

But, curiosity gets the better of me, and I reach for the letter once again, and open it.

_"Katniss,_

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry for showing up unexpected like that, and expecting that you would be happy. I know that I hurt you, and I know that I left, and I'm sorry. But words cannot express how I feel. I need to see you. Please. I wrote my phone number down on the back of this letter, please call me." _

I can't think straight, too many things are happening. I can't seem to get one clear thought in my head. _"What is happening to me"_ I think, trying to decide if I've gone mad.

I turn the note around, looking for a number. When I find it, I slowly reach for my phone, and dial the number. It picks up on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Um, hello? Peeta?"

Theres a moment of silence, while neither of us say anything. I don't know how to react, so I say hello again.

"Hello? Is this Peeta Mellark?"

"Katniss?" My heart stops at the sound of my name coming from his lips. It's been so long since I have heard it.

"Katniss, is that you?"

"Yes." I say quietly, my heart skipping a beat. I hear him take a deep breath before I continue. "I got your letter." I say with a little too much bitter edge to my voice.

"You did?"

"Yes."

"I'm so happy to hear from you. I didn't think you would actually call."

"I wasn't going to. But-" I stop myself, not really knowing what I was going to say.

"Are you busy right now?" He asks, his tone rushed.

"No."

"Can you meet me somewhere?" I try to come up with an excuse, but I can't. I don't know why, but I get this weird feeling in my gut that is telling me that I should go.

"Where?"

"Can you meet me at Cornerstone?"

"Cornerstone Bakery? I guess. I'll be there soon." I hang up before he can say anything else. It hurts to hear his voice. It hurt when he left, but over the years it's made me bitter towards the thought of ever seeing him again.

My whole body aches, but I force myself to get up anyways.

I stand up and walk into my bedroom, throwing open the bathroom door. I turn the sink water on the coldest temperature and splash my face a few times. I grip the edge of the sink and stare into the mirror. My eyes are bloodshot and my face is flushed.

"God, I look awful." I say to myself, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I have heavy bags under my eyes, and my cheeks look like they've been burned.

As fast as I can, I get ready, brushing my hair, and fixing a few issues on my face, before going to change into something more accommodating besides legging. I opt to wearing a pair of dark washed jeans and a green knit sweater with my tan flats. I pull two front strands of hair back and clip them to the back of my head.

After I'm finished, I grab my jacket before leaving my apartment.

When I finally get there, I notice there aren't any lights on. It's 40 degrees outside and I'm stuck in an empty parking lot with nowhere to go.

I start to get back into my car when I see headlights heading towards me. I shut the door to my car, and step around to the other side, where the car parked.

My breath hitches in my throat when I see him.

"Peeta." I say, not meaning to have said that out loud. I can feel my face getting red. But I'm not blushing. Oh, no. I'm angry. But I try to keep it contained.

He gets out of the car and shuts the door, turning to me after.

He doesn't say anything for a minute, just looks at me. I can feel tension rising inside of me when he keeps staring. I can't help but feel tense and uncomfortable.

"Hello." I say, breaking the silence.

"Hey." He says, barely audible.

"Come here, I want to show you something."

I hesitantly follow him onto the porch of the building and notice imidiately just how nice it looks.

"This," He pauses, motioning to the building, "Is mine."

"What?" I say in disbelief.

"I own it. I just bought it a couple of weeks ago." He unlocks the door, and ushers me inside. He flips on all the lights and closes the door, locking it back.

My stomach fills with knots when I feel his shoulder brush against mine when passing me to stand in front of me.

"Thanks for meeting me, I really needed to see you." He says, motioning us towards a table.

"_Why?"_

"I didn't like how we left off the other day." He says, reaching for my hand across the table. I move it into my lap before he can grab it.

"Oh, you mean when you showed up at _my sisters_ funeral, unannounced?" I spit, not even giving him the pleasure of eye contact.

"Katniss, please. Can we be civil?" I let out a laugh, rolling my eyes.

"_Civil? _Have you completely lost your mind? Have you forgotten why we are even in this mess right now?" I try to keep my anger consumed, but I've been keeping it in for so long. Too long.

"I told you I was sorry."

"Sorry? SORRY? You think saying sorry is going to fix any of this? You LEFT Peeta. You just… left, and I never heard from you again." I can feel myself getting worked up, and I try to contain it. But I can't help the tears that I feel beginning to surface.

He doesn't say anything, doesn't even offer me a glance.

"You just left." I choke out, finally letting myself go. "You LEFT!" I scream. All of the pain that I felt before begins to resurface, and I can feel my head start to spin. My hands ache from squeezing them together, and my palms start to turn red from my nails digging into them.

"You left me, and just disappeared! For six years, Peeta!" My whole body starts to shake. From the cold, or from getting myself worked up, there's no difference.

Still, he says nothing. He is just staring at the table, his hands linked together.

"Do you have any idea what I had to go through?" I spit out, finally getting him to look at me. When I look into his eyes I feel nothing but anger and sadness, all at once.

"Do you have any idea what you leaving cased for me?" I try to calm myself down, but I can't contain my anger. "You have no idea-"

"I have no idea? I have NO idea? Do you even know why I had to leave?" He fights back, anger filling his voice.

"No! Because you just left! And never came back! Until the other day, I hadn't heard from you for six years! SIX years, Peeta! A-And since the day you told me you were leaving!"

"My mom beat me."

My heart stops beating, and I feel as if I can't breath. All of this just took a turn, and I don't know what to think or how to feel.

"W-what?"

"That's why I had to leave." He looks back up at me through hazy eyes, keeping my gaze the entire time.

"I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell anyone. And the only way for me to get out of that god forsaken house was to just get up and LEAVE." He finally looks away for a second, only to glance at the floor before looking back at me.

"I'm sorry, I didn-" I stop for a second, thinking how best to word this. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I didn't tell anyone, Katniss. I just left. I knew that day when I told you I was going to Columbia, that I wouldn't be coming back. I knew that that was the last time I was going to see you. I couldn't have anyone knowing where I was. I just left."

I am speechless. I feel like a pile of bricks hit me in the head. I can't think straight, and have lost all ability to form words.

"Peeta.." I look down, tears now falling freely down my face. "I'm so, so sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should have, I should. I just couldn't risk anyone knowing."

"Peeta.." my mind won't let me say anything else.

He reaches across the table to grab my hands, but this time, I let him. I'm hesitant at first, but I let him.

"I'm so sorry." I'm shaking now, tears still streaming down my cheeks. Peeta reaches across the table and wiped my face with his thumb. I cringe at the contact, and slowly turn my face away.

"You're shaking." He says.

"I know, i-it's just cold." I lied, I'm not just cold, I'm nervous. I still can't believe what has just happened.

He gets up and stands in front of me, holding out his hand. "Here, at least let me take you upstairs where it's warmer." I get a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach that I push aside.

"Upstairs?"

"There's an apartment up there, it's where I live."

I get a sudden feeling of anxiety, not knowing whether or not I should go up with him. I'm still not ready to completely forgive him. And I don't know how long it will take.

"Please." He says, helping me out of my chair. My head it still spinning from yelling so loud.

"Okay." I say nervously, following him through a doorway leading upstairs.

Once we get up there, a sudden feeling of dizziness hits me, and I misstep, falling onto the floor.

"Are you okay?" I hear him say, feeling as he grabs my arm and places the other on the small of my back, helping me stand back up. I catch a wiff of his scent, and my stomach fills with knots. No. I'm not supposed to miss him.

He walks me over to the couch and sits me down, walking into the kitchen to get me a glass of water. He hands it to me, and I take a sip of it, being careful not to drink it too fast. He sits down next to me, a decent distance away, giving me space.

'You okay?" He asks, taking on a worried tone.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just got a little dizzy is all." I take another sip of water before setting it onto the end table in front of me.

A sort of silence falls over us for a while. I just sit there, my mind full of so many things. I don't know what to say.

"I just want you to know," He starts, turning to face me, " that leaving you was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do." I look down at my lap and play with the hem of my sweater.

"And I can't tell you enough how sorry I am. I just.. I can't even begin to explain how hard it was for me. I thought about calling you. I did. I typed in your number many times, but never actually called." He says, looking away for a brief moment. "I should have just fucking called."

"Peeta." I say, looking at him. "I'm sorry for the way I acted, and for yelling at you. It's just that, when you left, everything only got worse. I felt like I had nobody." He looks away, staring at the ground. "You were everything I had."

At that, he looks up, furrowing his eyebrows. I can see that he is trying to think of something to say, so I keep going.

"I loved you, Peeta." His eyes squeeze shut, and he looks away. "I did. So much. But I just can't do that to myself again."

"I never stopped loving you." And at that, my heart stops beating. He's looking into my eyes as if at any moment I am going to slip away.

"I-" But I don't get to finish. His lips crash into mine, and I feel myself turn into jelly. I try to tell myself that this is bad, and I shouldn't be allowing it, but I do. And I do for a while.

I kiss back, grabbing him by the collar and pushing against his chest with my hands. He grabs my hair from the back of my head and pulls, and I let a low moan escape from my lips. It's at that moment that I realize what I'm doing.

I push away from him, still holding onto his shirt. Our breathing is heavy, and I can't seem to think straight.

"I can't." I say through labored breaths. "I'm sorry." I quickly get up from the couch and make my way towards the door.

"Katniss, wait. Please." He walks over to where I'm standing, and looks down at me. "Please, stay." He says, tucking a section of hair behind my ear. He lets his hand linger for a moment, but I look away, grabbing his hand and moving it away.

"I'm sorry. I just can't"

And I'm gone.

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><p><em><strong>Thanks so much for reading! I couldn't wait to write this chapter. I absolutely couldn't wait to finally get Peeta into the story.<strong>_

_**I hope you all enjoyed!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is rated M due to sexual situations and language.**

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><p>I don't sleep.<p>

There are so many things swimming around inside my head, that I can't seem to think straight. I feel so conflicted.

Peeta.

_"What were you thinking?" _I scold myself. _"You're an idiot!" _I squeeze my eyes shut. _"You're not supposed to want him." _I'm supposed to be with Gale. I _was_ with Gale. But I do nothing about it. Because I feel nothing. Nothing for him. Not anymore. We've drifted apart, and I'm sad to say that I'm not upset about it. I loved him, I did. But that love is long past.

My stomach turns at the thought of Peeta. It's been so long since I've felt anything like that before. Since I've had any _real_ connection with anyone. But I know I shouldn't feel this way, so I push any feelings aside.

_"Don't get yourself into this mess Katniss." _I can't do this to myself again. Allow myself to fall for him, only to get hurt in the end. _"You can't do it." _But something inside of me is telling me to do it. Just do it.

I grab my phone and dial Gale's number. My heart starts to speed up as soon as he answers the phone.

"Hello?"

"Gale? Can you come over? I need to talk to you." I say quietly. I'm trying to keep my voice from shaking.

"Yeah, I'll be right over."

Once he hangs up the phone, I silently scold myself. Knots form in the pit of my stomach, and my head starts to spin. I'm making myself sick. _I can't do this. I can't do this._

20 minutes pass when I hear the knocking at the door. I don't say anything at first. Just sit there.

"Come in." I say, dreading the conversation that we are about to have. "I need to talk to you." I try not to let him see my nervousness. I squeeze my hands together a few times.

He walks over to sit beside me on the couch. I scoot over, allowing him room.

"Hey Catnip." He says, scooting a little closer to me. I close my eyes, looking away. "You look like you're about to cry." I open and close my fists again, not wanting him to see me shaking.

"I'm sorry Gale. I know I told you that I just needed some time, but I can't do it anymore."

"I'm sorry?" He sounds confused, and I look at him through watery eyes.

"I can't be with you." I say, choking on my words. I didn't know that this would be so hard. I can feel his eyes on me, but I don't look at him. I don't want to see him hurting.

"But, I love y-"

"Please, don't." I stop him before he can finish. "I can't be with you." Finally, I let the tears fall. My whole body is shaking and I can't seem to keep my composure. I shouldn't be doing this. I should just tell him that I love him, and be done with this. But I can't. I just can't.

"I don't understand." I can feel the tension between us rising, and I decide to scoot away a little bit. "I don't understand." He says again, this time with a little edge to his voice.

Neither of us says anything for what feels like an eternity. I just sit there, staring at the floor. But when I decide to finally look up at him, he's looking back at me with such fire that you would think he was about to explode.

"We were supposed to get married. We were supposed to be fine. We were engaged for fucks sake!" He spits every word out with bitterness that makes me cringe. "Why?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"I wouldn't understand? That's bloody bullshit and you know it." I haven't seen him lose his temper in a long time. I haven't missed this side of him.

"I can't keep telling myself that I'm okay, Gale. I can't keep telling myself that I love you. Because the truth is, I don't."

"But-"

"I did love you. I really did. But I don't anymore and I need you to understand that and accept that." I'm shaking even more now, but the tears have stopped. I've come to terms with the fact that I don't love him. It's still hard, though. "But I don't want to lose you."

He doesn't say anything. He just sits there, staring at the wall in front us him. I can feel the heat radiating from his body, and I stand up. "I'm sorry." I whisper, moving around to the back of the couch. He doesn't move. Doesn't say anything.

"Gale?"

At that, he gets up and stomps around to where I'm standing. He grabs me by my waist and kisses me with so much force that I fall back a few steps and hit the door behind me. I try to push him away, but his grip on me is so tight. Too tight. I can feel the doorknob digging into my lower back, and I cry out in pain. That causes him to stop, giving me time to slide away. When he turns around to look at me, bewilderment filling his eyes, I slap him across the face, leaving a large red mark.

"I think you should go." I don't make eye contact, but I can feel him walking towards me.

"Katniss please-"

"I said go! Just leave!"

When I hear the door shut, I slide my back down the door and sit with my knees curled up to my chest. I hold my hand up to my lips. And that's when I lose it. I completely lose my mind. I cry hysterically for so long that I start to get hiccups, which leads to me getting sick. So sick.

I run to the bathroom as fast as I can before promptly throwing up severel times before my body can no longer take it. I collapse onto the cold tiled floor, the coolness of it is soothing. I don't know how long I lay there. It isn't until I hear a knock at the door that I finally decide to get up from the floor. Whoever is at the door keeps knocking until I reach it. I look through the peep hole before opening it.

Peeta?

I slowly open the door, allowing him to step inside.

"I just saw Gale-" He stops, looking me over. My eyes are bloodshot, my face is red, and I have the darkest bags under my eyes. "Are you okay?" I can hear the worry emphasized in his voice.

He takes a couple of steps towards me, and tucks a loose piece of hair behind my ear. I lean into his touch, allowing myself to soak in his presence. "I'm-" I try to speak, but my voice catches in my throat, causing me to choke. His face contorts into an emotion I can't quite pick up.

"Come here." He says quietly, leading me to the couch. He helps me sit, keeping his hand on my lower back. He sits down next to me, our legs touching. "I saw Gale leaving as I pulled in." He says, looking out the window. "Did he say something? Do something?" I nod my head in agreement, not wanting to meet his gaze.

"What happened?" I can hear him getting defensive, and I finally look at him, my eyes hazy.

"He-" I manage to choke out. "I was just trying to-.. And he-..And I-" I can't seem to form clear sentences, and I let my head fall into my hands. Tears fall through my fingers, and I feel Peeta pull me into him. I allow it, laying my head on his chest.

"You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want." He says gently, running his hands through my hair. I've missed this. I missed him. Part of me is saying that I shouldn't let this happen. That this is all happening too fast. But I push aside that feeling. I just need someone right now. I need him.

I feel tears well up in my eyes. I inhale sharply as I will myself not to fall to pieces. My tears soak through the cotton fabric of Peeta's shirt and he holds me tightly. He doesn't tell me everything's fine, because it isn't. He doesn't tell me things will get better, because they might not. He just holds me, comforting me when I need it most. When my breathing finally begins to even out, I feel him kiss the top of my head. His hand comes up to my face and he uses his thumb to wipe the tears away from my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. For so much. For unloading on him, yet again. He leans down and kisses me gently.

'You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I just-"

"Shh, please don't say that you are sorry. " He says gently, continuing to stroke my hair. I look up at him, and it's at that moment that I decide to do something crazy.

_Fuck it._

And I kiss him.

He runs his hands through my hair as he deepens the kiss, laying me down on the couch. I wrap my arms around his neck, grabbing his curly hair and pulling at it gently. I feel his tongue press against mine, and I fight back. His hips dig into mine, and I roll mine up to meet his. The pressure feels so good, I need more.

It's been far too long since I've felt anything like this.

I feel his hands slide up my sides. My stomach flips when he slides his hands up my shirt. I feel him smile against my mouth. His kisses drift away from my lips and move down my neck. I lean my head back, exposing my neck to him as he kisses and sucks at my sensitive skin with more pressure.

I flip us over so I am on top, straddling him. I lean down, sealing his lips with mine, coaxing his tongue into my mouth. He lifts his hips to meet mine, and I grind my hips down on his, eliciting a low moan from him.

_This is wrong. _

Peeta's hands slide up my sides, then back down, landing on the hem of my jeans. He begins unbuttoning them. "Stop." I say, breathing heavily. His eyes are dark, staring at me with intensity. "Please." I huff. "I-I can't." I look down at him, placing my hands on his chest.

He sits up, holding me by my hips. I move to get off of him, sitting with my legs crossed beside him. "I'm sorry." I pant.

He runs his hands through his hair and adjusts himself. He turns to look at me, breathing heavily. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." He looks away and starts to get up, but I grab his arm. "No, please. Stay." I say, not letting him go until he sits back down beside me.

"Katniss, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have touched you like that. I-"

"It's okay. Really." I try not to smile, but it's hard not to.

"I just.. It's been a really long time.." I say, trying to hide my blush. It's been so long since I've been touched like that. I was about to let him take me right here. Right now.

_You're so stupid._

"No, I understand, really." He says, taking me in his arms. I lay my head against his chest, inhaling his scent. He is so intoxicating.

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." He says, gently playing with my hair. We are both still breathing a little heavily, still not over our high.

"I just don't want you to feel like I don't want to."

_I want to more than anything._

"Because I do. I'm just not ready."

The first time anything like this happened, it was years ago. I wish more than anything that I could go back. I wish I could go back to high-school all those years ago, where the only thing that mattered was me and Peeta. Nobody seeing us then could ever have doubted our love.

* * *

><p><span><em>(Junior year, 7 years ago.)<em>

"Come on Katniss, go to prom with me." Peeta says, shifting his weight in his chair. "It's our first prom. Go with me."

"You know I hate those stupid dances. It's just a bunch of horny teenagers dry humping each other on the dance floor until they can get an overpriced hotel room and lose their stupid virginity having awkward sex like a bad 80's movie." I reply, taking another bite of popcorn.

"I can't go to prom by myself. You'll make me look like a total loser, Katniss."

"Not my problem." I say, throwing popcorn at him. He takes a handful of popcorn and shoves it down the front of my shirt.

"Hey!" I accidentally say too loudly. "If I tell you I'll think about it, will you leave me alone?" I half joke, picking the left over pieces of popcorn out of my bra and throwing them onto the ground.

"Yes." He says, smiling. "Do you really care about seeing the ending of this movie?" I look at him, and see his gaze on me darken.

"No" I reply, staring at his lips.

"Then let's get out of here."

When we reach his car, he fumbles in his pocket for his keys. Once he unlocks the door, I fall onto my back into the backseat, looking up at him as he crashes down on top of me, slamming the door shut in the process. I moan, wrapping my arms around his neck as his lips find mine again. He groans as he lifts me up and slides me so that my head is almost touching the door.

I lift my hips to meet his movements, and he kisses me to swallow my moans. I grab his bulge from the outside of his jeans, and he groans at the contact. He lifts my shirt over my head, throwing it to the floor before lifting me up and placing me onto his lap. I straddle him, quickly disposing of his shirt as well and discarding it onto the floor. His lips meet mine again, and our tongues battle for dominance. I start to become short of breath when Peeta unhooks my bra, exposing my bare chest.

I work on his jeans, unbuttoning them, and pushing them down below his knees. He pushes my pants down before I get a chance to, lifting me up and placing my on top of him. We both groan in unison, the contact sending shivers down my spine. I feel Peeta kiss my jaw, all the way down my neck before stopping at my most sensitive spot. His mouth lingers there for a moment, kissing and sucking of the sensitive flesh. I let a moan escape me, and I bite down on his shoulder to muffle the sound. He holds me by my hips now, completely controlling me. He is in control as he repeatedly lifts me up and down as he fucks me like a real man should.

We both cry out in unison as we climax, and I dig my nails into his back, surely leaving scars. We are both left panting, trying to catch our breath. My head is still spinning when I feel Peeta kiss my forehead. "I love you." I can't help but smile.

"Peeta?" I pant.

"Yes?"

"I'll go to prom with you."

* * *

><p><span><em>(Now, present day)<em>

I'm still slightly out of breath when I nuzzle myself close to him. "I'm sorry." I say again.

"You don't have to be sorry. I shouldn't have taken it that far." He says, rubbing my arm reasurringly. I feel him place a soft kiss on my forehead, and smile.

Silence fills the room for a while as we just soak in each others presence. Peeta is the first to break the silence.

"You know," he starts, "I never stopped thinking about you. Not once." I lift my head to look at him, awe plastered all over my face.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. You have no idea how many times I wanted to come back and be with you. But I knew that I couldn't. By that time, it was too far gone for me to come back."

"It wouldn't have been too late." I whisper, looking down at the ground. "I waited. I waited a year, almost two years for you. But I knew after that that you were really gone." I say even quieter, trying not to let the tears threatening to spill over roll down my face. "It wasn't until I knew that you were really gone, that I accepted it, and moved on."

"I'm sorry." He says, stroking my hair.

"I was going to marry him." I choke out, finally letting the tears fall freely down my cheeks.

"What?" He says, moving to where we are facing each other.

"I was going to marry him. Gale." I manage to say through labored breath. "I thought I loved him. But-…" I stop myself, not knowing what I wanted to say next. "But things changed, and Prim-"

"You don't have to…"

"No, I do. I need you to know."

"Need me to know what?" It's hard for me to read his expression, but confusion is clearly what he is feeling.

"That I never loved him the way that I loved you." I say, staring into his eyes. "I was going to marry him. Yeah. But it didn't feel right. It felt as if I was just trying to shove all of my feelings aside and accept that this is what I needed to do." I say, my whole body beginning to shake.

"It wasn't until-.. It wasn't until Prim's accident that I knew. I knew that I couldn't love him." I inhale a shaky breath, continuing. "You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because when I woke up in that hospital, it wasn't Gale that I thought of immediately. It was you."

"Katniss-"

"Even after 6 years.. It was you. It was you who I was worried about having to see my like that, lying there in that hospital, unconscious. But it wasn't until I was fully recovered, that I became fully aware of what was really happening. You weren't coming to that hospital. No. I was never going to see you again." I finally take a breath, looking up at him. His eyes are towards the ground.

"But it was you, Peeta. It was always you."

_Phew! That was a difficult chapter to write! But I had a lot of fun with it! ;) Just kidding, in all seriousness, this might be my favorite chapter so far! I really hope you all enjoyed. __**REVIEWS ARE MUCH APPRECIATED!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_A fair warning, this chapter gets pretty heavy, and the content is definitely not for anyone that isn't comfortable with strong adult content._

_You've been warned. _

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><p>I wake up in my own bed, visions of what happened last night still swimming in my head. I look to my right and check the clock on my night stand. <em>Why the hell am I awake before seven.<em> I rub my eyes groggily and fling the covers off of me. I still have my clothes on from the night before.

I walk towards the bathroom and shower and brush my teeth. Once I have a fresh pair of leggings on and a Panem-High t-shirt, I walk into the living room, towel in hand, drying my hair.

And that's when I see him.

_Peeta?_

I walk over to his sleeping form on the couch. I bend down and gently move some hair off of his forehead, and he stirs. I pull my hand away when his eyes open.

He smiles up at me, and stretches his arms. "Hey." He mutters, looking around at his surroundings.

"Why did you sleep on my couch?" I ask. "This has to be one of the most uncomfortable couches I have ever seen in my entire life." He just looks at me and a small smile plays onto his lips. "I thought I should sleep here, since it wasn't until 3 am before you fell asleep." I smile, remembering staying up all night and talking for hours on end. "I carried you to your bed, but I figured that I should sleep here. You know, give you your privacy."

"Thanks." I smile before walking into the kitchen. "You hungry?" I ask. He gets up and joins me in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. "What are you going to make?" He asks, his eyes still locked onto mine. "I'm not sure, any requests?" I see him thinking, closing his eyes momentarily before opening them. "I have an idea."

"I'll make you breakfast." He says, his voice smooth. "Peeta, I can-"

"No, I insist. You'll love it." He smiles at me, and I can feel my face starting to heat up. He notices, and I look away. He asks me where all of the kitchen supplies are, and I show him where everything is.

When I start to pour pancake mix into a mixing bowl, I feel him behind me, suddenly. His arms are on either side of me on the counter, and he leans in close to my ear and says, "I told you I was going to cook for you." I feel my whole body shudder, and I tense as he grabs the bowl from me. "Let me help." He says, still behind me. I hold the bowl as he mixes, and I feel my stomach tighten and twist into knots. And when he presses ever so slightly against my back, my heart rate speeds up instantaneously.

My whole body tenses when I hear the doorknob turn along with the jostling of keys. The door opens ever so slightly, and in steps in Gale.

"Gale?" I ask, my blood turning cold. "What are you doing here?" He doesn't say anything, just stares at me.

_Oh._

I become fully aware of what this must look like. Peeta standing behind me, leaning over the counter, our hands intertwined, andy face red due to Peeta's proximity to me. My face flushes when it all registers in my head.

"What the fuck is _he_ doing here?" Gale asks. Peeta lets go of my hands and moves to stand beside me.

"I think the better question here is, what are _YOU_ doing here?" I spit back, fully ready for a fight. "And who the hell do you think you are, walking in here unannounced? I thought I told you to stop doing that." I'm furious, and I can feel myself start to shake. I grip the counter harder, closing my eyes.

"I was going to surprise you. Apologize for the other day." I see him pull a card and a bouquet of flowers from behind him. "I thought you would still be asleep, I was just going to drop it off and leave." I watch Peeta shift uncomfortably beside me.

"But I can see that you're busy." He isn't looking at me though, when he says it. He directs it towards Peeta. "So sorry to bother you." He says bitterly.

"Gale-" I start to say, but he's already out the door before I can say anything else. I sigh, and drop my head down.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

"He has a key to your apartment?" I hear Peeta say beside me. I lift my head to look at him, but he doesn't return my gaze. "I gave one to him when we got engaged." I say. "I forgot to ask for it back when he-" But I stop myself, replaying what had happened the other day in my head.

"When he what?" Peeta stresses, finally looking at me. "_What_ did he do?"

"It was nothing, really." I look away, suddenly feeling very vulnerable and uncomfortable.

"That's bullshit and you know it." He spits, pushing himself off the counter, standing there with his arms crossed. "Did he hurt you?"

"No, just-" Just what? Just pushed me against the door and basically forced himself on me?

"He just kissed me." I say, instinctively reaching behind me to touch where my back got pushed into the door knob. "And-" But I don't get to finish, because Peeta grabs me by the arms, turns me around, and lift the back of my shirt up, showing him the large bruise just beginning to form there.

"Did he do this to you?" I hear Peeta ask, turning me back around to face him. He holds me by my shoulders now. "Tell me."

"Yes- I mean no-.." I take a deep breath. "It's not as bad as it looks. He just pushed-"

"He pushed you?"

"He pushed me against the door a little too roughly and kissed me." I say, directing my gaze towards the floor.

"Katniss." He starts to say slowly. "He can't do that to you." I can feel his body heat radiating from his hands on my shoulders, and can tell his blood is boiling. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I mean-"

"Not a big deal? Katniss," He shakes his head and steps away from me. "That's assault." He finishes, running his hands through his hair. "I want you to get your key back from him as soon as possible. I don't want anything like that happening again." He demands.

"I-.. Okay." I agree.

"I don't want anything like that, or worse, happening again." He says, stepping towards me and wrapping his arms around me. I lay my head against his chest. "I care about you, and I can't have myself worrying that something bad could happen to you." I lift my head to look at him, and I see that he has a hint of anger written across his face.

"Okay, I'll get the key from him."

"That's all I ask."

* * *

><p>17 times.<p>

That's how many times I call Gale.

I try over and over and over again, but with no luck. I think he eventually turns his phone off, because it begins to go straight to voice mail. I leave him several. All along the lines of "You need to call me", or "We need to talk". I start getting desperate, leaving any message that I can. I even text him, pleading, begging for him to talk to me. But he never answers. Not for 3 days. And by that time, I've lost all control over the situation. If he is going to act like this, then he's made his decision.

I let another two weeks pass before I finally decide to act. It's getting ridiculous, and quite frankly, immature. Gale has never been one to solve his problems logically, but this is a whole new kind of selfish.

I show up to his apartment on the other side of town, and bang on his door. It's quiet, and for a while, I think he might not be here. But I know he is, I saw his car in the parking lot.

"I know you're in there." I yell. I continue to knock until I hear his voice on the other side of the door.

"If I wanted to talk to you, or see you, I would have let you know." I can hear the bitterness fall off his tongue, even through the thick wooden door.

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me and sort this out like an adult." I say. "Open the god damn door, Gale." I demand, banging on it repeatedly.

"Fuck, Katniss. I don't want to see you. Just go home." My blood starts to boil, and I can't contain my anger. He's being so childish that it's killing me. "You're actin like a child, Gale. Just open the door."

The door swings open suddenly, and he stands there, anger written all over his face. "What?" He seeths. "What the hell could you possibly want?"

"I want my key back." I say, holding out my hand. I watch him disappear around the corner, before returning, slamming the key into my hand.

"If that's all, goodbye-"

"That's not all." I say, stopping the door with my hand. "I want to know why you're all of the sudden acting like a selfish asshole."

"I'm the selfish one?" He laughs, clapping his hands together once in amusement. "I wasn't the one all over someone else not even a day after you left me." I stare at him in disbelief.

"Gale, I left you a long time ago. It wasn't until recently that I was able to accept it." I keep my voice low, my head turned away. "And I wasn't _all over _anyone. I was with Peeta. We were just-"

"The thing is, Katniss." He starts, his face tuning into a grimace, crossing his arms over his chest. "He left you." He stares at me, narrowing his eyes at mine.

"He left you, and who was the one there for you when you were alone? _ME. _Who was the one taking care of you, even though you rarely ever acknowledged my existence? And it's really incredible to me that you could just… go back to him, after that." He finishes, his eyes still connected with mine. I feel a wave of guilt crash over me before he starts talking again.

"I took care of you, Katniss. Why? Because it was _him_ that left you, and it was _him_ that hurt you."

"But-"

"He leaves you with nothing. For six years. And all of the sudden, he sows up, and what? You're okay with that? So I'm done. I'm done playing games with you Katniss. You've made it perfectly clear how you feel." I can't find the words to say. I just stare at him, dumbfounded.

"You don't understand-"

"Oh, I don't understand? How could I?" He scoffs. "Goodbye."

I try to stop the door from shutting, but before I can actually say anything, he slams the door just centimeters away from my face.

I take a deep breath, and realize that I'm clutching my apartment key in my hand, causing indents from squeezing it so hard. I look around, sure that some of his neighbors probably watched all of this go down.

I keep my head down as I walk back to my car, and head back to my apartment.

When I pull up to my apartment, I see Peeta's car parked in one of the visitor's spots next to mine. He's sitting in his car, his head down against the steering wheel. His head shoots up when he hears my car door shut, and I look away, trying not to make eye contact as I make my way to the stairs.

"Katniss?" I don't respond, just keep walking. "Katniss, wait." But I don't stop.

"What?" I swing around, agitated. I can feel myself shaking, and will myself to stop. The last thing I need is for him to see me upset.

He walks over to me, but I put my hand out to stop him from getting any closer. "Please, don't" Him touching me would just further make things worse. "I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now. I'm sorry." I say, turning around and taking a step towards the stairs that lead to my apartment. But before I can go any further, Peeta grabs my arm and stops me, dead in my tracks.

"Please, don't shut me out, Katniss." I can hear his voice, soft like butter. I shut my eyes, still not turning around to face him. "What's wrong?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it." I yank my arm free, and stand there, still facing away from him. I wrap my arms around myself, and look at the ground.

"I just need some time to think about some things." I shudder as a gust of wind hits me, and I feel him reach for me again.

"Peeta. Stop." I say, my voice wavering. "Please, just… don't." My hands are in the pockets of my jacket, and I clutch the key in my hand like it's the only thing keeping me grounded. "Please just go home."

"But Katniss-"

"Please. Peeta. I just need some time alone." I don't give him the chance to respond, quickly making my way into my apartment, leaving him standing there confused. I press my back against my door once it's closed, and exhale heavily.

_What is wrong with you?_

I feel so guilty.

Gale is right. Peeta hurt me. More than I ever knew was humanly possible. And Gale was the one there to help me, the one who took care of me. And I just threw him away like it wasn't a big deal. Like he was just a piece of meat.

_You're the selfish one. _I tell myself.

Why was it so easy to let Peeta back into my life, when it seemed so easy for him to leave?

Then it hits me. All I ever wanted for the past six years was to see him, hear from him, and feel him one last time.

I never stopped thinking about him, even when I was with Gale. It all seems so hard, realizing that someone you love is gone. And I never really started feeling those types of feelings again until I lost Prim. I instantly thought of Peeta, one of the first people to make any major impact in my life.

It was _him_ that I thought about while I was in the hospital. It was _him_ who I apologized to in my head many months ago when my depression hit it's peak, causing me to do what I never thought I would. Attempted suicide. And it was _him_ who I told myself I was going to miss the most, because he was already gone. It would make things easier for everyone if I were gone as well.

_Maybe it would be better if I were dead. _I would tell myself over and over again.

But I guess the truth is, it wouldn't be better. Because I didn't fully understand the impact that I had on people, on their lives. What would it have done to Gale? Gale, the one who had taken care of me when I didn't want to take care of myself, when I didn't care if I lived or if I died.

That's when it hit me.

I matter to people, and no matter what, I'm important. So that's why I am where I am today. I realize that no matter what happens, you're going to get hurt in your life. But you can't let that affect you, you just have to keep going, and move on.

_You make the decisions in your own life._

And I think that's why it was so easy for me to feel so close to Peeta, even again after not seeing him for six years. The truth being, I never stopped thinking about him. And no matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, I still need him. And I've found it within myself to accept that he left. But he came back. And right now, even though it may seem irrational, that's all that matters. That he's here now.

_You deserve to be happy._

So I go over to my window to check if he's still there. When I see that he's sitting in his car in the parking lot, I smile, and run out the door, confident that I made the right decision for myself.

_You deserve happiness._

I quicken my pace the closer I get to his car, and I watch him open the door, stepping out of the car.

I instantly crash into him, arms around his neck, me head against his chest. I feel him let out a sigh as he holds me tight, leaning his head against my hair. He inhales, and I feel him smile against my cheek.

I pull away from him, quickly linking my lips with his. He tightens his grip on my, letting one on his hands slide down my back, pulling me closer. Our hips meet and a warm sensation courses through me. I moan against his lips, and thread my fingers through his hair.

But I pull away all too soon. "We're outside." I tell him through breathy pants. His eyes dilate, and I can see lust fill them.

"Come on. Let's go inside."

No sooner than we stumble through the door, he wraps both of my legs around his waist, carrying me to my bedroom. I waste no time removing his shirt, running my hands all over his chest. I'm filled with an all too familiar sensations when he runs his hands down my body, laying me down on the bed.

In a matter of seconds, my shirt is also lifted from my body, his hands roaming the exposed skin. He leans between my legs, palming my breasts through my bra. His mouth is hot on my neck, and I lift my hips to meet his, the fabric of our clothes getting in our way. I stifle a moan when he bites and sucks on the soft flesh below my ear.

Our movements are rushed. It's been so long.

He moves to unbutton my jeans, looking at me first as to get permission, and I nod, helping him. He slides them down and over my hips, throwing them to the ground. I undo his jeans, and he rushes to take those off as well.

His lips are on mine again, heat radiating off his body. I feel his heart beat when I splay my hands across his chest, and know that he is just as nervous as I am to be reentering old waters.

The word "please" is out of my lips before it even gets a chance to go through my mind. He rolls his hips against mine and my head spins. It feels so good. So impossibly good, that I have to remind myself that it's real.

He pulls his lips from mine, trailing kisses back down my collarbone. His hands, which had been at my waist, holding me down, wind a path up to my bra. He traces the hem of it, slowly, so agonizingly slowly, working his way to unclasp it. He quickly slides the straps down my shoulders to my arms. I let it slide from my body, where it falls to the floor.

I hold back a moan when he slides his tongue across my nipple, sucking it into my mouth. "Oh god-" I lift my hips to meet his again, his erection pressing against my thigh.

I gasp, my back arching off the bed at the sudden sensation of it. He smirks at me and bends down to plant a quick kiss to my lips before sliding his hand down the length of my torso, looking me in the eyes before ripping my panties right off, disposing of them on the floor.

His eyes turn wicked, shining with lust and passion, causing me to shiver. I groan, growing impatient at the heat between my legs. I bit my bottom lip, arching into him, and my eyes roll to the back of my head when he slides two fingers into my throbbing core.

"Fuck- you're so wet." I groan and lift my hips to meet his hand. He braces his free hand on the mattress beside my head, leaning his head down and kissing me with so much force I think my lips may just fall off. My fingers dig into the sheets and I let out a strangled gasp. I don't know how much more I can wait, so I reach up and pull his head to mine, and demand, "More."

His eyes lock onto mine, and he's stripping his boxers off.

He guides himself into my entrance, pausing to rub himself along my slit slowly. I let out a frustrated groan, and roll my hips up, eager to feel him inside of me. I'm so turned on I can't even think straight.

For a minute, I think he's going to stop completely, but that thought quickly leaves my mind when he crashes his lips to mine and slowly pushes himself all the way, our hips flush against each others. "Peeta-" I gasp, grabbing the hair at the nape of his neck.

He stills, and I feel him let out a shuddering breath against my shoulder. "You're so tight." He whispers, slowly pulling out before slamming back into me. My back arches off the bed and I let out a strangled moan. _How have I gone so long without him touching me._

The feeling is otherworldly, and the tension in my body tightens at the feel of him. He doesn't react slowly again, instead, he grabs my hips with one of his hands, holding me down, and continues to rock into me. My hips instinctively lift up, meeting his thrusts.

"Fuck, Katniss." He drags out my name, groaning again when I run my hands down his chest. When he pulls out and pushes back in again, his pelvic bone brushes against my clit and I cry out.

"Peeta!" I grab his shoulders and dig my nails into his back. _How can anything feel this good. _

I keep my hands on his hips, urging him closer to me, even though we are already flush against each other. His eyes are fixated on mine, dilated and wild as he watched my face as I squeeze my eyes shut.

_I'm so close._ So impossibly close.

"God, you're so perfect." He nips at the sensitive flesh below my ear, moaning into my shoulder. His thrusts become more erratic, and I can feel myself on the brink of my orgasm. I buck my hips up into his wildly, and he swallows my moan, tangling his tongue with mine. And then it happens.

I gasp, clutching Peeta against me as my muscles spasm around him. He groans, then, thrusting erratically into me, which only intensifies the pleasure as it rolls through me.

Peeta comes hard, groaning as he thrusts into me one last time before stilling, hips flush against mine. He falls against me, and I take a shuddery breath, moving some of his hair off of his sweaty forehead.

"God, I-" But he stops himself. "That was amazing."

"Yeah." I say, panting heavily. I'm thoroughly fucked and happily spent. _That's probably the best sex I've ever had._

Peeta rolls off of me, laying down next to me, and turns towards me. His hands idly roam down my sides, and it takes every bit of my willpower not to climb on top of him and ride him till his toes curl. But I decide against it. He kisses my forehead before moving a strand of hair out of my face.

"I've waited so long for that." He says it almost like a whisper. "It's been too long. I missed you." A smile plasters my face as I begin to remember all of the many nights that we would just lay together after having sex, and how we just talk for hours before falling asleep.

"It's been so long, Peeta." I finally say, closing my eyes. "I really, really missed you." I curl into him, placing both hands on his chest, my head tucked just beneath his chin. He pulls me flush against him, running his hands through my hair. "I missed you too. So much."

I decide not to say anything else, and just bask in afterglow. I'm so happy. _So happy._ I could die right now and that would be perfectly fine. Because this is all I need. This is all I ever need.


	6. Chapter 6

_What does this mean for us?_

I stare blankly at the wall in front of me.

_I'm scared._ So incredibly scared. I let myself fall right back to where I was before. Happy. And now, it's all going to fall apart. At least, that's what I've learned from experience. Things haven't always tended to go my way. So when something finally does, I usually anticipate the worst to happen.

_How could you do that. _I ask myself. _How could you do this to yourself._

I silently berate myself. Peeta with his arm draped over my middle, and back pressed firmly against me forms a constant reminder of what I've just done. But not only what I've done to myself, but what I've done to him.

But when I feel his lips ghost across my shoulder, though, I seem to forget about everything. _You can't lose him again._

I won't. I won't let myself lose him again.

I feel Peeta's hands move down my waist, gripping my hip and pulling me closer. I relax into him, and he rests his forehead against my neck. I can feel him smile against me, and feel his eyes flutter open.

"Good morning." He says lightly, kissing the soft flesh of my neck. "Sleep well?" He chuckles.

"Yeah…" I guess he can hear the strain in my voice, because he turns me around to face him, placing a gentle kiss to my forehead. "You don't sound too sure." He whispers, keeping his eyes locked with mine.

I'm suddenly aware that I'm still naked, and pull the covers against me.

"I just-…" I trail off and look away from him, not wanting to meet his eyes. "I guess I'm just afraid."

"Afraid?" He asks, stroking my face with his hands. "Afraid of what?"

"Afraid that if I let you back into my life, you're just going to leave…again…" I start to choke up, but I try to hold it back. I do not want him to see me cry. I refuse. "I don't think I would be able to handle it if you left again."

"Katniss.." He starts gently, his hands still on my face, thumb stroking my cheek. "I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to do that." I lean against his touch and close my eyes. A single tear falls from my eye, but he catches it with his thumb, quickly swiping it away. He pulls me to him, my head under his chin. My face is pressed against his chest as he holds me tightly.

"I'm not going to leave you." He keeps repeating, running his hand down my back. "I'm not going to leave you."

_He's not going to leave. _I try telling myself. _He's not._

"Katniss, I must be doing something wrong if you think for one second that I would do that." He whispers against my hair. "Please tell me you're not going to run away from this." He says, desperation filling his voice.

"Because this-" He stops to take a breath, putting emphasis on his words, "is real."

If it's even at all possible, I scoot myself closer to him and let out a shaky breath. "I-" I try to think about what I want to say. "I want to love you." I hear his exhale before pulling me away to look at me.

"I do. I really do. I'm just afraid that if I let myself feel that way again, everything is just going to go wrong, and-"

"Nothing is going to go wrong, Katniss. I love you." I stiffen at his words and close my eyes.

_He loves me._

"I-…I-"

"You can say it Katniss. I'm not going to leave you." I can feel his hands on my face again, and I open my eyes. Blue on grey.

"I love you too." It's barely a whisper, but I say it. And the smile that forms on his face and the light in his eyes makes me realize that I made the right decision._ I do love him._

"What does this mean?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…what does this mean for us…?" I watch him furrow his brows before dropping his head down to kiss me.

"I guess this means that you're mine."

"I guess it does."

_And I smile._

* * *

><p>"Peeta, stop!" I scream. He throws another handful of flour from the cookies we were about to make, at my face. "Peeta!" I'm squeeling now, and he takes his hand and rubs it in my face. "Never!" He yells back, attacking me from behind, taking me into his arms. His chest is cold against my bare back. We still haven't gotten completely dressed, me wearing just a bra and underwear, him in just his boxers.<p>

He turns me around, tickling my sides. I fold almost completely over, laughing so hard my face starts to turn blood red. "Pee-hahahh-stop!"

"Make me." He smirks, stepping away from me, making a 'come hither' motion with his finger. I glare at him, still trying to catch my breath. I roll my eyes, but strut towards him. He continues to back away until I meet him, shoving him down onto the couch.

I straddle him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I run my lips down him face, along his jaw, and down to his collar bone. He lets out a soft moan, and I know I've won.

I smirk, moving to get off of him, but his hands are holding me firmly in place. "You made your decision, Everdeen. You're not going anywhere." His eyes are dark with lust. I haven't missed this demanding side of him.

I decide to change the game. I'm not letting him win this easily. "Oh Peeta." I say, patting his shoulder playfully. "You're not getting anything from me." It was my turn to smirk, as I watch his face turn hard, and his neck flush red.

"Oh yeah?" He says, his eyes hard, never leaving mine. "Try me." I stand my ground. I try to get off of him again, but he pulls me back down onto his lap. I grunt as I try to push off of him, but he holds me down, glaring at me. "I thought I told you. You aren't going anywhere."

"Let go of me." I say, trying harder to push off of him. "You're going to have to try a little harder than that." His mouth is dangerously close to my ears, his hot breath tickling my neck, causing me to shudder.

"I know how to make you feel good." _Holy shit._ "Let me make you feel good."

He pulls me to him and crashes his lips to mine. He winds his hands into my hair and tugs slightly, leaning me head back. He sucks on my collarbone, pulling me flush against him. "Mmmm Peeta," I moan, arching into him. He picks me up and carries me towards my bedroom, dropping me onto the bed.

His eyes are dark as he hovers over me, running his hands dangerously low on my waist. I spread my legs and he settles between them, biting below my ear. I raise my hips up to meet his, eliciting a low moan from him.

"God.."

"Peeta-" I gasp. "Please."

All of our movements are rushed again, not daring to waste any time.

Our clothes are off before I can even think about it. He pushes into me with one swift movement, and I arch into him. I have to bite my lip to keep from screaming out.

"It's okay Katniss. I want to hear how much you want me." His words make me shudder, and I scream out when he pulls out before quickly slamming back into me. "Oh god, Peeta!"

"Tell me how much you want it." I don't miss his possessive tone.

"I want you Peeta, so bad." He smirks. He stops, flipping us over so I'm on top.

"Then show me." A wicked grin crosses his face, and his eyes turn dark. "Show me how much you want me." He reaches up and pulls my face to his, kissing me forcefully. I moan into his mouth before grinding down hard. It's his turn to moan.

"Harder." He says, grabbing my hips and slamming me down onto him repeatedly. I can't help myself, I scream and cry out, letting him know how much I want this. He runs his hands all along my body, roaming form my breasts down to my hips. I throw my head back when I feel my climax approaching.

"Peeta I-"

"Let go, Katniss." And I do. I push my hands against his chest and rest my head on his shoulder as I ride out the last waves. I can't seem to catch my breath when I fall against him. He comes hard a few seconds later, his body shuddering underneath me.

We lay there in complete silence, just wrapped around each other. Peeta is the first one to say anything.

"You know," He says, playing with my hair, taking a deep breath. "I have yet to take you out on a real date." I turn over to face him. "Let me take you out tonight." I roll my eyes. I do not want to go out.

"Peeta-"

"No, Katniss. You are going to let me take you out to nice dinners and walks in the dark. I want to take you on a real date. I want to hold your hand and drive for hours, not knowing where we are going. I want to get lost with you." I smile as he kisses me, running his hands through my hair.

"Okay." I say. I'll allow it.

* * *

><p>"Come on Peeta. Tell me where you are taking me." I say, kicking my feet on the floor of his car. "You can't take me hostage like this."<p>

"I hardly consider wanting to surprise you by taking you out on a secret date warrants me taking you hostage." He laughs and looks over to me, sticking his tongue out. "Now close your eyes like I told you."

I let out a frustrated sigh and put my hands over my eyes. "I can't believe you're making me do this." I say bitterly.

"Stop complaining." He laughs.

We drive for at least another half an hour. I hum along to the music, tapping my feet on the floorboards to the beat. I only peek through my hands a few times, but what Peeta doesn't know won't kill him.

"Okay, we're here." He takes my hands in his, and tells me to open my eyes. My breath is immediately taken away.

As I look out the window, the first thing I notice is the trees. Everywhere, everything, is surrounded by trees. It's so beautiful, and I have to fight back the urge to cry. He still remembers. As a child, the forest was always my escape from reality when I needed time alone.

_This is so perfect._

"How did you-" He stops me with a kiss.

"I wanted to surprise you." He reaches down and pops the trunk of his car. We both get out and walk around to the back, where he proceeds to pull out a blanket and a picnic basket. I can't help but smile.

"Now, follow me." He says, grabbing me hand.

We hike about half of a mile before we find a spot by a large tree. I take a deep breath and look around me. The sights, the smells, everything reminds me of home.

Peeta lays out the blanket on the forest floor, and pats a spot next to him. I start to sit down, but he pulls me to sit in his lap, my back pressed against his chest. He wraps his arms around me and opens the lid of the basket. He pulls out a plate of cheese buns, and I smile.

"I think you're my favorite person ever." He just laughs at me lightly.

"Well, you're my favorite person as well." I smile and turn my head, kissing him. He smiles against my lips before I pull away.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" I ask. He just looks at me, and doesn't say anything. "I'm serious, you're too good for me." His smile falters and he looks down.

"Katniss, if anything, you're too good for me." His tone is more serious, and he takes my hands into his and squeezes them.

"You let me in." He sighs before continuing. "You let me back into your life, and I couldn't be anymore grateful." I bring his hand to my lips and press a gentle kiss to his palm. "You're too forgiving."

"No. Peeta…" I start. "It wasn't easy for me. It took a long time for me to allow you back into my life." I inhale a shaky breath, and hold his hand to my chest. "But that time without you gave me time to think about everything, and, I-" My voice catches in my throat and I apologize. "I'm sorry, you know I'm not good with words…" I look away then, closing my eyes.

"It's okay, Katniss." He lifts my chin and forces me to look at him. "Come on, tell me what you're thinking."

"I just…you were gone for so long…but all that time, it felt like you had never left." I look at our hands connected in my lap and close my eyes again before continuing. "I don't think a single day went by where I wasn't thinking about you."

"Katniss…"

"No, let me finish." I say, demanding. "You hurt me." His eyes turn sullen, and I push a few curls off of his forehead. "But that doesn't mean I can't forgive you. And I do. I forgive you." I smile, and he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into his lap. He kisses me with an urgency that I didn't know was there, and I wrap my arms around his neck before he falls onto his back on the hard ground.

I straddle him, both knees on the blanket pressed against his sides. I run my hands up his chest, gripping the collar of his t-shirt. I lightly traces his fingers along my hips, his hands making contact with my heated skin.

He pulls away a second later, breathing heavily into my neck. "I made food for us," he looks into my eyes then, and gives me a halfhearted smile. "Plus, we're outside." I laugh and pull away form him, sitting up. He sits up, holding me against him, still firmly planted in his lap.

"God, I love you so much." He whispers, his lips ghosting across my own lightly. He runs his fingers through my hair, gripping me along the back of my neck and pulling me closer to him. He deepens the kiss, but pulls away all too soon. He looks into my eyes expectantly.

"I love you too." I say, kissing him again.

"I'll never get tired of hearing you say that." He smiles, and I crawl out of his lap, sitting across from him on the blanket. I grab a cheese bun and sink my teeth deep into it, savoring every last bit of it. I moan my appreciation, and lick my lips after I'm finished.

I open my eyes and find Peeta staring at me, his eyes full of light. "You like it?" I nod feverishly and grab another one.

"They're my favorite, thank you, Peeta." He makes a fake pouty face and crosses his arms against his chest.

"I thought I was you favorite." My mouth hangs wide open and I can't help but fall over in laughter. I grip my sides, trying to stop the pain of the stitch that has formed in my side. And once my laughter finally dies down, I look at him through the tears stinging at my eyes. He's staring at me in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You _are_ my favorite!" I exclaim, laughing again when I watch his face turn sour. "You're my favorite, I promise!" I yell again, throwing my hands in the air. He just stares at me.

Finally, he launches himself at me, knocking me back against the ground. He settles over me, his face inches from mine. I can feel his hot breath against my face when he dips his head down and plants a solid kiss against my lips. I smile against him, and shift so he is settled between my legs.

"Good." He says, kissing me along my face and down my neck. He takes a deep breath and says, "Because you're my favorite too."

* * *

><p><em>Oh wow, yay! Another chapter! lol, finally! This one may just be one of my favorites, so enjoy!<em>


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